Another first this week. Russia, now being out-classed by China’s foray into the space biz, disgraced with budgetary shortfalls on the ISS project and their failure to produce a viable shuttle comparable to the one introduced by NASA colleagues 20 years ago, is making headlines again today. Russia and the former Soviet Union claimed many space firsts during the space race including first satellite, first organism in space, and first man in space.

Stumbling under financial complications, the Russians have used drastic measures to insure consistent funding. This included filming a Radio Shack ad in space, allowing space tourism to white billionaires and the more controversial filming of the messy triple-X facial in zero gravity, which reportedly is still being disinfected.

The animal represents the largest organism ever put in orbit, as well as the most illogical. Proponents at NASA said “What the hell? A yak? Is that for real?” In response, NASA engineers indicated they are writing a proposal to “launch a school of killer whales in to space, oh, or better, let’s do that four mile fungus from the Midwest, that would be a good goal,” but further added that they were kidding and that this is the stupidest thing they’ve ever heard of.

The Russian yakmonaut and his space-mates go through several in-flight checks. So far the flight has gone smoothly, but one cosmonaut complained about “freaking yak-shit all over the place”.

“Yak-nik is well, though a bit confused. I don’t think he can fully appreciate what we’ve done for him and his bulky non-space conducive species.” reported Russian Mafia officials from the Balkinur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan. “…and don’t tell anyone we’re Russian Mafia either, it doesn’t look good. You can quote me on that.”

Interested in joining a yak in orbit? Prices have never been lower, so act now!