aboutshanghai.com » Family

Cross-Cultural Marriages Rising – Divorces Too

Lisa Thompson — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:00:36 +0000

More marriages are occurring between Chinese people and foreigners, but the divorce rate is on the rise as well. In 2006, 2,960 cross-cultural marriages were registered in Shanghai, up 22.97 percent from 2005.

Figures showed that Chinese people married individuals from 55 different countries, with Chinese-Japanese and Chinese-Canadian pairings the most likely to end in divorce.

Divorce has traditionally been discouraged in China, but it has been on the rise since the 1980s. According to a survey conducted by the Weiqing Divorcees Club, many cross-cultural marriages ended because people were lonely and had trouble with cultural differences. Annemieke Esmeijer, a psychologist with the club, suggested that couples from different cultures discuss cultural differences, such as attitudes toward family, religion and values, money, raising children, and what sort of food they will eat.

Cross-Cultural Marriages Rising – Divorces Too

Lisa Thompson — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 11:00:38 +0000

Figures showed that Chinese people married individuals from 55 different countries, with Chinese-Japanese and Chinese-Canadian pairings the most likely to end in divorce.

Thoughts on Tradition, Values, and Love

Lisa Thompson — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 08:00:27 +0000

The survey conducted by the Shanghai Women’s Federation finds me left with very mixed feelings. Is it good news or bad? I’m just not sure. I believe that women and indeed everyone should do what they can to improve their lives, and education is definitely an excellent means of doing so. I also believe in the importance of tradition, ethics, and values. I feel it is good news that China’s people continue to have a strong moral structure and sense of tradition. They not only act on their value system, they believe in it.

When I am stateside I look around me and find so much hatred and intolerance. No one really bothers to get to know each other anymore. Children do not ride their bicycles to the store, neighbors do not become friends, jobs are transitory and I find that even my own children do not show respect to their elders.

I do not know what has caused the terrific downfall of our society. I love my country. I am sad that the world I was raised in no longer exists. I am sad that today’s American youth is taught to “look out for number one” because no one else is going to look out for you.

We try to protect our children by teaching them not to talk to strangers but we are teaching them fear. We don’t let them play outside by themselves for fear they will be abducted. What are we teaching them? That human beings cannot be trusted. But why are they developing such hatred in their hearts? Why does everyone seem to be so disrespectful to everyone else, including their loved ones and indeed themselves?

I do not know. But I think that by letting go of our traditional values we may have in fact opened Pandora’s Box. We have forgotten that inside we all long for the same things. I cannot imagine that things will ever improve now that they’ve sunk so far. We are spiraling downward, I see it everyday and I weep for our children and our future.

I love my country. I love my family. I vote. And I try to teach my children tolerance, respect and the differences between right and wrong. Do I have hope for the future? Yes, though as you can tell it’s not very strong. Perhaps that is where I am failing.

So in reading the survey aforementioned, I find myself wanting to celebrate that traditional values are still strong in China, another country that I love. I am happy to know that the people believe in the moral structures that they follow. That they are not simply going through the motions because they must, but because it is their choice.

And yet, here I am a woman who knows what it is to long for love, to lose love, and to find love. I have a family, something that everyone longs for. Would I choose education and betterment of my life if it meant I might not be able to pass it along to my children, in fact that I might not get that family if I chose that course?

I guess I am lucky. I can choose education and family without sacrifice. And, ultimately, I guess that I hope that China can find a way to keep its traditional values while continuing to improve the lives of its people. Education can only improve everyone’s life. It brings knowledge that is invaluable on every level. Educating both men and women equally can only improve the country and its people, its families. China needs its educated to continue to flourish, continue to educate, to grow, to propagate. These women are indeed perhaps some of the best catches out there searching for love. And they indeed deserve to find it. After all, we are all the same inside.

Your Child Will Be a Superstar

Ted Masterson — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 08:00:12 +0000

If you traveled to Shanghai prior to 2001 you may have felt like a local celebrity. Like a regional television news anchor, people would spot you in a crowd, some would feel inclined to strike up a conversation with you, and despite what you might tell them to the contrary, everybody assumed you had money, which comparatively speaking, was true.

These days the sight of a foreigner in Shanghai is nothing new, but if you get out of town to a smaller city, you could still be a bit of a spectacle. Not in bad ways or even in ways that have annoyed me, but you will be noticed. Even though there are hundreds of thousands of foreigners visiting China at any time, they are mostly teachers and business people. What’s still rare to them, and by rare I mean exceedingly rare, is the sight of white children.

If you travel to China with small children, they will be an instant smash hit. Even in the big cities, the common man on the street has almost certainly never seen a white baby in real life. People want to see your child, make funny faces at him and try to get a response.

These people aren’t scammers, quite the opposite; they are curious and genuinely interested. When we traveled to tourist hotspots, even the otherwise ravenous merchants would often give us free toys and trinkets, just to entice us over to see the baby.

Twice, when standing at a crosswalk in busy Shanghai, my son caused bicycle accidents when commuters took their eye off the road to take a look at the baby in passing. Nothing serious, but we felt bad about it. They’d never seen anything like him; it was like a rare glimpse at an albino baby tiger, except to them it was more like an albino baby.

Traveling anywhere with children may seem inconvenient, and believe me when I tell you, it is; but not any more so than anywhere else, and it can be a really wonderful experience for you and your children to share and cherish forever. Just know that your baby will overshadow your own celebrity status.

Oh, and if you’re traveling with more than one child, expect some surprise and confusion, as you know that second children in China is as rare to them as your fair, fine haired baby with the bright eyes.

What Truly Is Important

Lisa Thompson — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 08:00:25 +0000

As a young girl I dreamed of one day being one of those girls, the girls with the long legs, sparkling jewels and amazing dresses that appeared on the covers of Cosmopolitan magazine. Here I am all grown up, a strong, kind, and beautiful woman who has a man I love and children who make my life complete. I’ve never walked down the streets of New York City, never felt the excitement of watching a runway fashion show, and never owned high-fashion, brand-name clothing. Success and happiness are things that I feel walking down the street, breathing life into my lungs and my very soul.

As I stroll along Nanjing Lu I see the fashions displayed in the windows of Prada, Burberry, and Gucci. I am not compelled to enter these doors with their high-priced products. I know that what makes life precious is the little boy sitting in his stroller and the bigger boy pushing it along beside me. Those things that I dreamt of as a child that I hoped to build a life around no longer seem so important.

I still love clothes. I often say to my friends with a laugh,” I’m a clothes horse.” Back home I have three large closets dedicated to my clothing. Clothing does not have to be expensive to be fun. In fact, part of the fun of clothing is finding those articles that suit your moods. When I am stateside I enjoy shopping the thrift stores. When in Shanghai I enjoy scouring the bazaars and markets.

There are wonderful finds to be had with a little bit of research, some footwork, and a day in the sunshine. Shopping at a public market is exciting. There are hundreds if not thousands of people milling around, smiles on their faces looking for that “deal” that tugs at their heartstrings. My nine-year-old searches desperately for Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and GameBoy games, my husband looks for deals on business attire, and I search for knockoff Burberry scarves to send home to my friends.

It doesn’t matter what we are looking for, we know we will leave happy while remaining within our budget. We may not know whether we are purchasing true knockoffs, factory seconds, or the real deal which do find their way via unknown channels to these discounted marketplaces. So, if you are one of those girls who want the label but cannot afford the pricetag, you can walk with confidence past the alluring storefronts and head for the bazaars knowing that you will return home with all the labels you’re looking for. Don’t worry your friends back home won’t know unless you tell them and frankly, they won’t care.

I did find Burberry scarves nicely packaged in cellophane imprinted with the words “Made in Inner Mongolia.” I found this to be curious as the scarves themselves had tags sewn onto them reading, “Made in England.” When I asked the retailer for an explanation, wanting to know which is it, she explained in her best choppy English, “The original made in England; the copy made in China.” A simple yet succinct answer. It’s probably one of the few sentences she speaks.

After a full day of shopping with my family, experiencing the excitement that reverberates in the air we breathe, we return home satisfied and excited and ready to share our newest treasures; each of us knowing that the true reward is spending time together. In a few days time our treasures will be forgotten but our love and time spent together remains with us always.